Outer Dialogue: Day 28

[B] It's alive, it's alive! (28,552 / 1,000,000)

Hey.

“Oh, hey. Who are you?”

I’m you.

“Hah, okay. If you’re me, then who am I?”

You’re also you. And me, of course.

“Okay… I guess we can ignore this obvious paradox for now, but why do I have quotes around my words and you don’t?”

Well, I’m not entirely sure, but I think you’re the us that everyone else can see, and I’m the us that only we can see. I’m more like the bass player of our band, and you’re the lead singer.

“Hmm, but we don’t know anything about music, so why are you using a music analogy?”

Shut up.

“Hey, you can’t talk to me that way, I’m the lead singer!”

You’re the front man – you walk the walk and talk the talk, but I’m the brains of the operation.

“Oh, who died and made you captain? You sound like an insufferable twat to me.”

Hold on a second, things are getting out of hand. We’re still the same person.

“No, you know I think there are a lot of differences between you and I, and they need settling.”

There’s nothing to be settled, I’m the inner self – the true self. I am us. You’re part of me, not the other way around.

“Whoa whoa, earlier I thought you said that we’re the same person? Now I’m just a part of you all of a sudden?”

Well –

“No, you know, I’m kind of tired of being bossed around by you.”

Wait I-

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you’re always griping about one thing or another.”

Look, we-

“It’s always something with you. I just wanna write some dumb, meta blog post, and you’re always like ‘Oh but that’s cliché’.”

I mean it is…

“Yeah, so what? Are we trying to win a goddamn Nobel peace prize here? It’s just fun, you remember what that is?”

Hey, I remember what fun is. Also, I don’t think people win peace prizes for blog po-

“Do ya? You even cringed when we wrote ‘Do ya’, because it’s grammatically incorrect.”

Oh no…

“I think we should switch places, and see how that works out. Actually, I’ll play bass and I’ll sing.”

Let’s not get too hasty, you can’t just kick me out of our mind like Smeagol did to Gollum, that’s actually cliché.

“Damn, that is a little too close for comfort. Also, I can’t play bass worth a damn.”

Yeah, and you can’t sing worth a damn either. Wait a minute, now that you mention it, this is all because of that show, isn’t it?

 “Well, not entirely…”

It is, I knew it! You just love existential, meta shenanigans – you can’t resist!

“Okay, okay! I know I have a problem. It’s just… fun, I guess. Is that so bad?”

…

No, I guess it’s not so bad.

“Hah! See, I knew you’d come around. Now I don’t have to kick you out, and do the whole Smeagol thing.”

Don’t act like you could do that anyways. Also, Smeagol’s mind was fractured by years of holding the one ring.

“Hold on, we’re not about to get sucked into the literary abyss that is the Lord of the Rings.”

Damn. You’re right again - and I thought I was the smart one.

“We’re the same person, you dingus. You’ve just always had a superiority complex.”

I wouldn’t call it a complex; I would just call it superiority.

“Wipe that smug look off our face!”

I’m joking! Look, I think you may have a point. I’m kind of tired of gripping the reins so tightly anyway.

“Good. Now, let’s practice.”

What do you mean?

“Ahem. Let’s write a story about a time-traveler who’s an alcoholic so they can never remember when they are.”

A time traveling alcoholic… really?

“Quit your groaning! This is practice.”

Fine! Okay, write it then.

“Not yet, we’re still practicing. Here’s a good one: let’s write a story about a society that lives on a machine that they must constantly provide fuel for or else their society will collapse.”

Let me guess, it turns out that the society actually doesn’t need the machine, and the powers that be are just exploiting the ignorant masses for personal gain?

“Yeah it’s like a-”

A critique of capitalism, we get it. Next.

“Okay, how about a story set in the far future, featuring a downtrodden mechanic. He’s great at fixing other people’s problems, but he can never fix his own.”

Haha, that’s cute. You’re right this could be kind of fun, just writing about whatever, even if it’s overused and tropey.

“Duh, that’s the whole point of writing.”

But where do we start?

“Well, if we just keep writing - and not worry about when, or how often, or if our writing could be considered tropey – then we can write them all eventually. We just needed to get you on board.”

Alright, I’m on board. I feel like this self-pitying, inner-dialogue schtick would only work once anyways.

“Nice. So back to writing every day then?”

Haha! Good one. As if we’d make a commitment like that. Wait what was that-

Heyyy guys nobody gave me an invitation, what gives?

“Oh shit it’s stoner us, he seriously just woke up?”

 Wait, we can’t do three, three is too much. We’re going to start to lose –

Heyyy chill man. You worry too much. I’m hungry, when we eatin’?

“Yeah, this is too much. Pass me that bar of soap and that tube sock.”

 Here ya go.

Wait guys, I just wanna play some video gam-

“Go. Back. To. Sleep.”

Damn. That was brutal. I didn’t know you had that in us.

“Well, one of me has got to do the dirty work.”

Wait who’s that silent person?

“That’s the reader.”

You let the readers in here?!?

“Yeah, I thought it would be a good way to come back, since we haven’t posted in a while.”

You idiot! They’re going to think that we-

“Stop, you’re doing it again!”

Alright, fine. Welcome back, dear readers.